The title of this post could not be any truer. And with new beginnings means a lot of changes. The next day after I received the email from Peace Corps Guatemala (PC/G), I went to talk to my counterpart and tell him that we have to cancel the meetings for next week. Well I told him I had a meeting and couldn’t be there. He stated that we could just reschedule for the following week, and I said well that’s a great idea, but let’s just cancel it for now and we can find a date to reschedule the meetings after I get back. So he was immediately alarmed because there had been a lot in the news about PC/G closing. But I told him not to be alarmed just yet, and that I would keep him posted on what was discussed after the meeting.
As soon as I left talking to my counterpart, I got a call from my PCVL or volunteer leader for my program and department. She said, “Hey Shantrice, … I was calling to see if you had heard that San Marcos is NOT included in Central Western Highlands.” And I responded, “Well didn’t you want to call me with some good news.” But good news was far from the picture. The call caught me completely off guard. I was devastated; tears even fell down my face. She explained that she was calling because she did not want us to find out in the meeting the following week. And to be perfectly honest, I am so glad she did. However, she comforted me by stating that our APCD or my boss over my specific program has been working hard to come up with possible sites if they do decide to close my department, which is San Marcos. I stated well that’s a relief. I’m glad to know he is so on top of things. I took the news a lot better than I expected. I remember the day before when I received the email, I stated very firmly that if they make me leave San Marcos, I am going home… I can’t leave my family and all the awesome work I’m doing. I was very adamant…. But the next day, when there was no more speculation and it was more of a fact… I suddenly had a different perspective and was much more flexible than I knew I could be. I knew that me leaving does not help the people of Guatemala, and that’s why I‘m here!
Thankfully, I had a dear friend call me from Africa to distract me from all of the drama, confusion, questions, and anxiety in my life. However, while conversing with him, I was informed (through text msg and a call) by PC/G that I was being evacuated from my department for the weekend due to issues with drug traffickers and the police. Well let’s just say, that is one clue that my behind should not be in San Marcos… but in my town… all is well. My family is amazing and take care of me better than I take care of myself. And my town is really calm, barely nothing happens there. But anyway, so I had a few hours to pack my stuff and get to the nearest big city, Xela, through the weekend and until the conference started.
The weekend was long, but good. It was long because I spent 3 days in a hotel full of Volunteers with all the same feelings. By the 2 nd day, I wanted to jump off a building… not really… but it was just too overwhelming.. I mean that’s ALL we talked about; what may or may not happen in this meeting, why we were here and where we were going. By the time the meeting got here, I was just exhausted about it all and ready for it to be over. However, the good part about all that time is that I had the opportunity to think about what I really wanted. And I realized that I wasn’t ready to leave Guatemala. I came here with the mindset of being here for 2 years. The fact that I would be offered all the benefits as if I had completed 2 years was appealing, I’m not going to lie… but it just wasn’t my time to go. So, I went into the meeting with a positive attitude, ready to hear the facts right from the decision makers. Our regional director flew in from Washington and some other support people were there to help us with the news and help us make the transitions we decided to make. Basically, they started right out with we are unsafe in this country (being that we are in the upper Central American triangle). They made the decision to pull all the volunteers out of Honduras and were reducing Volunteer numbers in El Salvador and here in Guatemala. Right now we have about 230 volunteers and they want, by the end of all these changes 100- 120 volunteers left in country. They spoke about a lot of the security data and how necessary it is to make these changes right now. I was shocked, I mean, I knew I feared riding buses (due to a number of my friends being robbed by gun point) but that was all that I was concerned about. Not to make this blog post any longer, I’ll just say we all had an “aha” moment by the end of the conference. We were not happy about the news, but we understood the situation and that there wasn’t any other option.
My program met, and we discussed all of the issues the group ahead of me was going to face, being that they were being forced to leave 4 months earlier than expected. The biggest problem is that they had already promised their communities projects (such as latrines, improved stoves and cement floors) and now they couldn’t even turn in their grant applications. Thus, another reason why I should stay. I, along with the rest of my group who are being forced to leave our communities, will be moved to the communities where the group ahead of us was. We had a lot of discussions, a lot of tears were shed, and a lot of words were said. I was surprisingly quiet through it all. I realized where my stance was, I was upset, definitely… but there was nothing I could do to change the situation. So I accepted it and let my boss know that I was not leaving Guatemala and that he should continue looking for me a new site. Only a few people from my group decided to leave, which was great. I was excited that we wouldn’t be losing a lot of people before our time, especially since there were so many people leaving from the other programs. And by the end of the meeting, my boss met with us again to let us know where our new sites would be. I was told that I was moving to El Quiche, which is 7 and half hours from my current site. OMG, almost 8 hours to visit my family!!! I´ll tell you more about my new site in the next post. However, I was not happy to go back to my community and give them the bad news. It was very overwhelming and sad as well. I made promises to my community as well. I promised that I would be there for them for 2 years to work with them to improve their health habits and do other necessary projects. Now I had to tell them, well actually, I won’t be here for 2 years, and really, I won’t be here for another 2 weeks.
The following week after the conference, I told the people that I could and packed my belongings. Within a week of finding out my site, I was on a bus for a site visit and to figure out my living situation. I was completely overwhelmed by my new site. It´s HUGE, as compared to where I am now. For instance, my current community in San Marcos has about 5,500 people and 8 aldeas or smaller surrounding communities, this new community has 36 aldeas and around 12,000 people… OMG… and huge difference… Also, the big thing that hit me during my site visit is that I will be leaving completely on my own. I mean, I will have a host family but I will be cooking for myself and I probably won´t have a lot of interaction with them, like I currently have with my host-family… I was devastated. I grew to love the life I was living in San Marcos, and in El Quiche, it would be a completely different life and PC service… I really didn´t think I could do it… I cried some more. I called one of my close friends here and let her know how I was feeling. She was very supportive and explained that my feelings are normal at this point… being that I really haven´t dealt with all of the changes that has come our way, just took in stride (as compared to other Volunteers) … and shockingly was doing a site visit the following week after getting the news… it was a lot and I needed to give myself time to understand it all. She told me I wasn´t in the right frame of mind to make the decision that I couldn´t do this move and that I couldn´t stay in Guatemala. I told her she was right…I needed a break from it all… which is hard to do in this country because all the volunteers are talking about is this big change! However, my APCD (program boss) wanted me to take Spanish classes for a week, being that I was in transition to a new site. I definitely followed his advice and took a week of lessons. It was a mental break, definitely. I had the opportunity to not think about my situation and of course think a lot about my situation. I decided that I would give this new site a chance. I wasn´t really excited about the new site because the volunteer that I was replacing did not receive a lot of support from her counterpart and the rest of the people in the health center, and I received a lot of support (for the most part) from my counterpart… and especially my host-family!
Well, this has been a very long post and it was well over due. So sorry for the delay… but as you can imagine, I´ve been busy adjusting to all of these changes and getting myself together, mentally for the most part. However, what you should know is that I definitely decided to stay in Guatemala… I´m not finished here and Guatemala isn´t finished with me!
Love and miss you lots!
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